“GOD, WHERE IS SHE?”
I would scream to the top of my lungs drenched in tears. I’m not talking about my tiny toddler that found the new adventures her two stumpy feet could guide her through, no I was talking about someone else. I was talking about a woman, between the ages of 20-70, with a bright smile, a comforting touch, words of wisdom and encouragement, and a warm hand that could hold mine and guide me through the years of single parenting I was forced to endeavor.
Years, for years I searched for this woman. I became frustrated through pregnancy and young single motherhood that no one in my church had come to me and offered words of realistic guidance, guidance that only someone who has been through the same situation or had a family member that did could provide. The frustration led to me leaving my home church. A place I felt was family for over 20 years, where all of my family’s friends attended, where I met some amazing Godly people who invested in my soul and my walk with Christ, where all my friends had grown up; a place with so many memories. But it no longer had the same effect. I didn’t feel that warm feeling when I walked in the doors, I didn’t feel like it was home, that I was safe or loved. I was isolated and I felt so alone.
I attended other churches seeking this woman. I emailed churches, contacted pastors, facebook messaged people I had never even met. I felt like the poor lost baby bird in P. D. Eastman’s book, “Are you my mother?”! I had no idea what she looked like, what color skin or hair, I just needed to find her. But all the emails and messages fell on deaf ears.
“God, where is she?”
Why was there no ministry group for young single moms? Why was there not a single woman anywhere in our community that could say, “I see what you’re going through, I’ve been through something similar, let me walk with you through this.” Anything, I would have taken anything or anyone. I had so many questions, I was so empty; I had so many wounds that needed healing.
Through the years of constant prayer (or yelling) God used those times of complete vulnerability, complete desperation, to draw me closer to Him. I was the lost sheep… the one the ninety-nine talk about. But the more I prayed, the closer I became to Christ, and the closer we became, the more clearly I heard his voice. It’s easy to think you’re crazy when you hear God’s sweet voice whisper ever so gently to you in your heart. But I heard the words clearly, once, twice, three times.. Constantly until what He was saying began unfolding before my eyes…
“God, where is she?”
“Sarah, I’m making her.”
This story still brings on all the water works for me. And goodness it’s only one of many in my life where God has truly blown me away. I saw the lack of ministry in churches, I saw firsthand the lack or fear of storytelling, the lack of transparency….
I prayed constantly for these things in the church until I realized the woman that I have been praying for.. Is being made in me.
So through the years, we’ve made some adjustments. By we, I mean me and my church, my family of Christ. Embrace Grace, created by Amy Ford, is a wonderful ministry for young single moms that I was able to bring to my home church Temple Baptist, yes I went back to my home… and boy was I welcomed in with open arms. I truly have felt the pain of being the lost sheep and the joy of being the welcomed home prodigal son. I have been able to reach out to and hold the hands of so many moms along with many other women who have done the same in our community. Families have donated so much to the ministry and to sweet young mommas. The ministry, acceptance and love through it all has grown tremendously. But you want to know my favorite part? The transparency… I found it. I started hearing stories of young momma’s in our community who became single mom survivors and have walked out the other side victoriously. Women of all shapes, sizes, and colors with incredible stories, each unique but so meaningful to anyone and everyone who hears it. This means the world to me.
Sis, tell your story. Whether you have already ventured through the trials and reached the light at the end of the tunnel or your smack dab in the middle of the tunnel… tell your story. Tell it! Somebody.. I promise, somebody needs it. Be the person you needed all those years ago, it’s so worth it. Be her.
Because maybe the person you’ve been searching for all this time, is the person God is making you into.
“Return home and tell how much God has done for you.”... Luke 8:39