We spend our days keeping busy; school, work, kids, extra- curricula’s, social events, appointments, church, missions, errands, even new nightly television shows…
The Devil Doesn’t Want Us Bad – He Wants Us Busy.
And boy has he kept me busy. I often wonder how people mention that they have a hard time falling asleep or staying asleep because more times than most I feel like I can fall asleep in less than three seconds and wake up 6 months later.
A few weeks ago, I felt pretty hopeless, but I’m a firm believer that the power of prayer changes everything. Prayer is THE MOST powerful tool we have, it’s our connection to our Creator. I claim to pray consistently and talk to my Father always, but it’s in between my day-to-day activities, when there are distractions but not “too many distractions” so it seems sincere.
But I couldn’t shake the thought that JESUS intentionally and fervently prayed. OFTEN.
Matthew, Mark, and Luke constantly recorded times that Jesus was exceedingly exhausted yet went to the mountainside to pray, withdrew from the crowd to pray, awoke early in the morning before anyone else was awake to pray, and even fell to the ground to plead with God in prayer… He is flawless as God’s son, a miracle worker, and a passionate constant pray-er… But I only have time to pray in the car?
On Monday, January 15th… with much defeatedness (no, thats not a real word, but it is now) and confusion, I decided to intentionally and specifically pray every single night, on my knees, for at LEAST 5 minutes, for 60 days… for a husband. Sidenote: it sucks being honest with you, but here we go.
I began praying every night, on my knees, praising, confessing, surrendering, and pleading with God for clarity about marriage in my future. (Keep in mind, I’m not asking who he be and where he at. I’m asking for a knowledge of the Holy Spirit to guide me, strong will to abide and obey in relationships, and peaceful faith to fully trust what God wants for my and Evey’s future.)
I loved the first few days of feeling confident in my prayer and knowing God hears me and will provide the answers I need… (NEED not WANT) even though a new situation arose that seemed out of left field.. like really far out of left field.. really like three ball fields down, “That is really weird….”
Then there was a “Whoa, is this really happening?”
Then a “Oh my gosh, why is this happening?”
With a little “You’ve got to be kidding me, this can’t be happening.”
To a “I don’t want this to ever happen again.”
When I tell you that the devil is pissed that I have devoted myself to 60 days of prayer… I mean the devil is PISSED TO HELL AND BACK that I have devoted myself to 60 days of faithful prayer.
He has come at me with every emotion possible, every scenario possible, things I always dreamed of in the past, to things I never dreamed of in the future… He has studied me for 27 years.. He knows every weakness and every scar and he, without hesitation, has ripped them all open and salted them.
I laid in the fetal position on my bathroom floor yesterday morning in puddles of tears. “God, when I devoted myself to these 60 days of prayer, I thought I would feel peace, I thought I would feel joy… but all I feel is temptation and testing. I can’t do this prayer thing anymore… I can’t keep torturing myself.”
The words I confessed to God rang over and over in my head and I could literally feel the devil grin, I felt more defeated than I ever have……… so I rolled over, I got onto my knees.. and I prayed. Last night before I went to bed, I got on my knees, and I prayed. After I click the “Publish” button at the top of this page, I’m going to get on my knees and pray.
I realized there are many purposes for these 60 days of prayer God has placed in my life… So far, I’ve learned I have a lot more fear of satan than I knew, I learned I don’t trust God near as much as I thought I did with relationships, I learned that I often second guess the Holy Spirit and justify it with an excuse from my flesh… I learned that the devil hates prayer.. and he hates me.. and he hates God, and he will LITERALLY beat you to a pulp. But I’ve also learned I have amazing Godly friends who have held me up when I thought I couldn’t even stand, who prayed for me and with me when I confessed that I’m failing; I have a church that put their arms around me when I simply confessed it’s hard to intentionally and continually pray, and that I just need strength.
You see when I started this… I thought that the devil would try to stop me because I’m just too busy or tired, but he’s much more clever than that. Don’t take the devil lightly… but also, don’t take him too seriously… start praying – constantly, intentionally, purposefully, passionately – even when you’re broken and beaten to a pulp, because I know full well there is power in prayer, there is power in our God.
So here’s to day 28. May the devil hate me always, may my knees ache from my wood floors, and may you feel inspired to pray. I’ll keep you updated.